


Sarah Smiles

by hannahwritesthings



Category: Fall Out Boy, Panic! at the Disco
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-03-21
Updated: 2015-07-20
Packaged: 2018-03-18 20:50:43
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 12
Words: 17,049
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3583554
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hannahwritesthings/pseuds/hannahwritesthings
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Panic! At The Disco and Fall Out Boy boarding school AU</p><p>Boarding school is exactly what Sarah did not have on her list of things to do in life. When Sarah's cheating mother wins custody of her, then drops her off at one, she's less than pleased. To make it worse, the less than perfect son of the principal, Brendon, is trying to get to her 24/7. Hopefully her new friends can help her adjust.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Are You Satisfied?

“Nope, sorry. Not happening.” I spat at my mother. I’m ashamed to even call her that. “After what you did to us? Sorry whore, try keeping it in your pants next time.” I slammed my laptop shut, ending the tortuous Skype call. _Well that was fun_.

It’s been nearly three years since my mom confessed to the affair and the wound still hasn’t, and probably won’t ever, heal. I let out a frustrated sigh into my pillow that gradually turned into a muffled scream of, “I. HATE. YOU.” _Who does she think she is? Asking me to come live with her in fucking Nevada. Yeah, right_. I slipped out of bed and made my way to the bathroom. I hoped the shower would calm me down, but all it did was confuse anger with sadness and I let out a few quiet sobs into my hands. After getting out I just sat in bed, emotionless, until I drifted off into a restless, horrifying sleep.

**~Flashback~**

“S _arah, I love you. Please try to understand.” My mother reached out, trying to touch me, but I swatted her hand away. “How could you.” “I fell out of love with your father, and back into it with Randy.” She gestured towards the tall man who ripped my family apart. “You.” I growled. “IT’S ALL YOUR FAULT YOU... YOU... BASTARD!” I lunged for his neck squeezing as hard as possible, and knocking him to the ground. I began to hit him as my idiotic mother, watched helpless shouting “Sarah! Stop it, please!” he was limp in my grasp, and I let go. Did I just kill him? “Y-yes, thank you, hurry!” She cried into her phone. I ripped it from her grasp and threw it to the ground, crushing it under my boot. “I’ll make you sorry.” I whispered threateningly, before running out of the building and into an ally. Sirens wailed in the distance and I hid behind a dumpster waiting for them to pass. “FUCK.” I shouted, tripping over some old bum, passed out with a beer in his hand. “Get a job, dick.” I mumbled before making my exit._

**~End of Flashback~**

I shuddered before getting dressed. I was fifteen when that happened, and two years later, that was still the only dream I ever had. That night was the beginning of a downward spiral. Drugs, fights, cop cars and court cases were all I knew after that. My few friends abandoned me. Everyone shut me out. I was alone. Well, quite nearly alone. My dad saved me from an OD last summer. Since then I’ve been sober, but the cravings and the urges still try to get me every day. He was all I had.

I dressed and walked into the kitchen to eat before heading off to school.

“Hey Sarah-Bear.” My dad smiled into his newspaper. “Ready to face the day?”

“No,” I breathed, “But I have to do it anyway.”

He chuckled and held my hand. He was the only one I was sure cared about me. “That’s my girl.” He kissed my forehead and I grabbed an apple before shouting a quick ‘I love you’ and heading out into the cold, New York air.

After school it was custody court time. My least favorite time. “Do we have to?” I whined as my dad slipped on his shoes.

“I wish we didn’t, but we do. Come on, we can go get fries afterwards.” He persuaded. I groaned but grabbed my black Vans. Who could say no to fries? We pulled up to the gray brick building and I sucked in my breath. _Here goes nothing_. As we walked up to the door I gave my dad’s hand a squeeze and we walked in just like that, hand in hand.

As we entered I immediately notice the eerie quiet that surrounded us. It creeped the fuck out of me so I began to hum just to make noise. “Room 205, here we are.” He crushed my hand. I knew he was scared of losing me, so I just squeezed back as hard as I could and we walked in like we owned the place.

I glared at my mother and that, thing, from across the room. The judge stood up and began, “Welcome Mr. and Miss. Jackson. Shall we begin?” My parents had been battling it out for me for years, and this was the final case to figure out who got me. As I sat there through the same things that happened over and over I wondered why my mom didn’t just give up? I was seventeen, almost an adult. If she won, she’d have me for less than a year before I’d be back with dad and pursuing my art career. I was daydreaming when I heard a sentence that made my blood curdle, “The court sees that she would be better off with her mother.”

“No.” I stood up and slammed my hand on the table in front of me earning glares from everyone in the room but dad. “Sorry, no your honor.” I hissed.

“Ma’am I’m afraid that as a minor,” he lowered his glasses so far I thought they would fall right off his ignorant face, “you have no choice. Frankly, your opinion means nothing to anyone in this room.”

Dad softly touched my hand, letting me know that wasn’t true before standing up and saying, “Well as an adult, your honor, I can say that I honestly don’t think this is a good idea. Sending her to her mother when she obviously doesn’t want to would only incite rebellion from her and cause her to get into more trouble than she is already in.”

“That does make sense. Miss Orzechowski-” The judge turned to my mother, but before he could speak again she began to fake cry.

“I just want to see my baby again!” She wailed between sobs, clutching onto Randy. I looked over at my dad and sighed.

I mumbled, “This bitch.” under my breath. He chuckled quietly and gave me a little push with his elbow. After another hour of fake crying and my grumbling under my breath, the judge finally came to his decision.

“I rule in favor of Miss Orzechowski. As of next week Thursday, she and Mr. Orzechowski will have custody over Sarah until she turns eighteen.” My mother smiled at the judge and wiped a fake tear off her face. I pulled my dad into a tight hug and cried quietly into his shoulder. I didn’t want to leave him for a year, I barely wanted to leave him for a minute. He was the only reason I wasn’t still drowning in drugs and alcohol. The court adjourned and I quickly shoved my coat on and sped out the door and into the car before anyone could talk to me. _What did I ever do to deserve any of this? All I wanted was a happy family but no, I get shit._


	2. It Sure Isn't Normal, But We Deal

Thursday came too soon.

“It’s only a year, Sarah-Bear.” My dad held me tight as Randy piled my stuff into his car. “Plus I can come see you on holidays! We can go get coffee, and talk about boys, and-” I cut him off with a swat to the arm, then pulled him into a hug.

“Shut up.” I half laughed, half cried. “I’m gonna fuckin’ miss you.”

“I’m gonna fuckin’ miss you too baby girl.” He whispered, his mouth on top of my head. I gave him a sad look and I slowly walked to the car, staring at the door for a moment before reluctantly getting in.

I sighed as we pulled away from the apartment building. “So, what’s the place like?”

“Oh, my house?” She smiled, “That’s not going to be a very big concern of yours, honey. You’ll be at a boarding school.”

“What! You drag me out here against my will and then just ship me off?” I was shocked. W _hat was the point of ripping me away from my father, just to lock me away in some boarding school!_  “Well, I’m glad I won’t have to wake up to your horrific face every day.” After that, no one said a word to me until we got to the airport.

I was shoved through security. Luckily I was smart enough to hide my cigars inside socks, which were surrounded by other clothes in a smaller bag, which was buried under more clothes inside one of my suitcases. Thank god they didn’t find them, those things were fucking expensive. Fucking Cuba, making that shit so hard to get.

Nearly five hours later, I was off that damned flying machine and on my way to “Skyhill Co-ed Boarding School”.  _At least it’s co-ed._

We drove down a winding road, toward a white and gray brick building. The parking lot was underground, and when we got out a tall woman with big lips and too much eye shadow greeted us.

“Hi, I’m Mrs. Urie, your principal. I’m sure we’ll be great friends!” I gave my fakest smile and thought, In your dreams, fuck face. She buzzed over excitedly about how great the school was and how I’d love it there and fit right in and this and that and blah blah blah. I tuned it out after about three seconds to be completely honest. We followed her around the school until she finally showed me the room I would be staying in.

“Oh fuck.” I mumbled to myself. It looked like a Pinterest mom had a shopping spree.

About an hour later we finished heaving all my shit into the room and it was time for the final goodbyes. I pulled my mom into a tight hug and whispered in her ear “If I kill myself, it will be your fault.” I took a step back. “I’ll miss you.” I said sarcastically and winked before slamming the door in her face.  _Okay, time to decorate_. Luckily we, meaning dad and I, had planned for this. I pulled out a tin of black paint and set to work on my half of the room. As I waited for the paint to dry I read a book until the walls no longer looked wet.  _God bless quick dry paint._  I put my favorite posters on the wall then shoved as many books as I could on the shelves and put the rest on the table by my bed. I stuffed my clothes into the tall wardrobe that was provided for me and finished by decorating my desk with pictures of me and dad, and topping it all off with my laptop. I put a few pictures of my dad and me in a drawer and locked it.

Ugh, I could still hear the annoyingly peppy voice of Mrs. Urie in my ear. “Your roommate should be here around six thirty, right after dinner! Until then, make yourself at home!”  _What time is it, anyway?_  The clock blinked 6:23 and I groaned.  _I’m not emotionally prepared to meet whatever terrible person owns the other half of this room._  I unzipped my bag and rummaged around until I found a couple of cigars and my lighter. I slid them in my boot and exited the suffocatingly small room in search of somewhere slightly less shitty.

I roamed the court yard for a secluded place to slowly kill my lungs until a small red bridge in the distance caught my attention. I started towards it, crushing the last icy traces of winter with each step. I guided myself down the slippery rocks and crawled into a small nook, hidden from the outside world, just the way I liked it. With a small flick I lit the cigar and pulled it to the corner of my mouth, spreading out and getting comfortable. I slowly closed my eyes as I tilted my head back and blew out a small ring of white smoke, but I then felt as if I wasn’t alone.

A low, coy voice reached my ear, “Mind if I join you?”

“Yes, I actually do. Find your own ditch ya’ filthy animal.” I shot back, opening my eyes.

“That’s no way to talk to the principal’s son.” A tall boy with brown hair and mischievous, dark eyes appeared next to me, turning his palm up, demanding something. I gave him a low-five and winked before returning to my original position. “Give me one.”

“Sorry champ, all out. Find someone else to harass.”

“Then what’s that?” he snagged the other cigar from my boot. I groaned and dropped the lighter into his lap, then exhaled another silky ring into his over confident face, landing right on his large, pale lips.  _Yep, definitely Urie’s son_. “I’m Brendon. As if you didn’t already know.” He bit the smoke I blew at him with an amused half smile, reaching his hand out.

“I didn’t know, actually. Nor do I care.” He lit the end and I watched it glow as I spoke carefully and shook his hand, “Sarah.”

“Why cigars? We have a size queen here, don’t we? Why not your average teenage cigarette,” he paused and smirked slightly, “Sarah.” I responded by flicking the still hot ashes from my cigar onto his dark jeans, earning a glare. I chuckled quietly, laughing at his sad attempt to make me blush, but then an uncomfortable silence filled the air. The wind blew black strands into my eyes and across my face. Brendon set down his cigar and reached over to me, pulling my face to his.

“What the fuck do you think you’re doing?” I jumped up and glared down at him, “Do you have a death wish or something?”

“You liked it, hun. Don’t lie.” He smiled, “C’mere, kiss me babe.”

“Fuckin’ creep! Get away!” I began to scramble up the stone wall but felt myself being pulled back to the ground, a strong arm around my waist.

“Come on, don’t be like that.” He reached around and grabbed my ass. I slapped his hand away and hurried away. “You’ll come back for more!” He called before taking one more drag, “They always do!”

My cheeks burned red with anger as I stormed back to my room. I slammed the door and stomped to my bed. "Shit!" I was just now noticing the innocent looking, wide eyed girl staring at me from across the room. "Hi. I'm Sarah. Sorry about that. I just got felt up and you scared the fuck out of me." I sighed.

"Uh. Lily." She extended a hand, but I ignored it and threw myself into bed. "I see you've decorated..." I could just hear her judging me, her voice dripping with disapproval, as she lowered her hand.

“Yeah, much better than the shit contaminating your walls.” Her face filled with disbelief as if swear words were a foreign concept to her. “What?”

“I like these posters...” she touched one defensively.

“I’m just fuckin’ with you kid, stop being so serious. Jesus, who shoved a stick up your ass?” I rolled my eyes and stuffed my lighter back into the drawer, I looked up to see her eyes burning into me. “You look constipated. What do you want.”

“I’m just confused as to what...you are.”

“Oh honey,” I let a small snicker, “I’m your worst nightmare.” I had to bite my lip to stop from laughing at the cliche that just came from my mouth. Her eyes grew wider and she backed away quickly. I stripped my clothes and grabbed a towel, heading for the shower, leaving her mouth gaping open. Not like she’s never seen tits before, though she did look a bit flat.

“Do you have any shame?”  


“Not one bit!” I called and shut the door.


	3. Can't Take The Kid From The Fight

I woke the next day to the sound of shuffling and and talking. The clock showed 6:37, school didn’t start until 7:30 why the fuck was I awake? I buried my head into the pillow and let out a frustrated groan.

“If you don’t stop that shit I will eviscerate all of you.” The talking grew quieter, but continued. I shoved myself off the pillow and found myself looking at three girls, one being Lily, the other two I didn’t recognize. “Why the fuck are there people in here and why are they speaking this early in the morning.” I shot a glare at Lily and she mumbled something along the lines of “Sorry.” then her and her little pieces of early morning shit hurried out the door. I tossed and turned trying to force myself back to sleep, but to no avail. I finally gave up and started the day, dressing in my ‘Bad News Babes’ shirt, bright red jeans, and the same black docs I wore yesterday. I applied my make up, brushed my teeth, picked up my backpack and headed out the door. As I shuffled down the hallway to the office to pick up my schedule a short, blonde haired kid in a hat ran right into me.

“S-sorry.” His face was bright red, “I wasn’t looking and, and-.”

“It’s fine, I’m Sarah.” I cut him off and extended my hand to help him up.

“Uh, I’m Patrick. Nice to meet you.” His mood swung from worried to friendly in a matter of seconds when he found out I wasn't going to punch him. _Do I look scary or something?_ “So, where are you headed?”

“The office. I’m new so I gotta pick up my schedule and stuff- actually, do you know where that is? Because I don’t.” I laughed.

“Oh yeah!” He smiled brightly and gestured for me to follow him, so that’s what I did. He guided me down the halls, waving at some people as he passed and lowering his head near others until finally we arrived at the front office. “Hi, Mrs. Lucy!” he greeted the secretary with too much lipstick that was a very wrong color for her skin tone.

“Hi honey! Who’s your little friend?” Her voice was like nails on a chalkboard. I clenched my jaw and forced a strained smile onto my face.

“I’m Sarah. I’m new and I kinda need my schedule so...”

“Oh of course!” she dug through a drawer and handed me a white piece of paper with my name on it.

“Thanks, gotta go! C’mon Patrick.” I grabbed his sleeve and yanked him out the door. “God I can not handle her voice.”

“Yeah, it’s definitely something that takes a while to get used to, but she’s a nice lady! Anyway, what’s your first class?”

“Math with Fitzpatrick.”

“Me too! I’ll show you where it is. Oh, and you’ll get to meet my best friend Pete! I have a feeling you two will get along pretty well.” _Great, if he’s anything like you I’ll be throwing up bunnies by second period._ Don’t get me wrong, I liked this Patrick kid, but I’m used to pot smokers and crack heads as company. He was a bit too... tame. We walked into the class and I took a seat next to him just as the bell rang.

“So where’s this Pete guy?”

“5, 4, 3, 2, and...” A boy with black hair and tattoos all up his arms burst through the door nearly dropping his books and plopped into the seat in front of me. _Maybe we could be friends, and looking at those biceps, maybe with some benefits._ “Fashionably late as usual I see?” Patrick beamed at him.

“You know it babe.” Pete winked and leaned back in his chair, sticking his feet up on the table. “Ten minutes early again?”

“Actually I barely made it in before the bell because of this lovely lady here.” He gestured towards me, causing Pete to turn around, feet still on the desk, and topple to the floor.

“Sorry, I tend to have that effect on people.” I smiled and reached down to help him up. “Sarah Jackson.”

“Pete Wentz.”

My eyes flickered over his sleeves, “Nice tats. I'd show you mine but that would be public indecency."

“Thanks, got ‘em in Vegas. I barely remember though, I was drunk.” he bragged, extending his arms and flexing shamelessly.

I could practically hear Patrick roll his eyes as he scoffed, “You’ve never been even close to drunk, you got those done in a crappy shop outside Chicago, oh and you cried.” I snorted and watched Pete’s face grow a deep shade of red.

“Shut the fuck up shorty.” He flipped him off before returning his attention to the front where the teacher, who looked strangely like a pear, had begun the lesson.

About halfway through a lesson I wasn’t paying any attention to, a note flew across the room, landing on my lap. I opened it and read it under my desk; _You, me, after class in the boys bathroom._ I turned to see Brendon flicking his eyebrows and nearly burst out laughing before writing: _In your dreams fish lips_ and tossing it back, looking him dead in the eyes and blew him a kiss.

“Mr. Urie and Miss Jackson! Passing notes is strictly forbidden! Hand it over.” Patrick and Pete both gave me worried glances but I could barely contain my smile as she opened it up and began to read it to the class. “Detention, both of you. Monday night you’ll be working in the office after dinner.” Brendon’s face turned a deep shade of red but I never wiped the grin off my face.

The day trudged on until lunch where I was greeted by Patrick, grabbing me by the hand as soon as fourth period ended and dragging me down the hall to the lunch room, beaming the entire time. "What. The. Fuck." I huffed as we ran down the hall.

“Don't curse, and you have to meet Andy and Joe!”

“That doesn’t explain why we’re running.” He just smiled and pulled me to a table at the far corner of the room.

“Andy,” he pointed a guy covered head to toe in tattoos, “Joe,” the motioned towards the boy next to him who was stuffing his mouth as full as it would go with chips, “meet Sarah.”

“Nife oo meef oo.” Joe mumbled through food.

“Charmed.” I feigned a smile. Andy just looked down at his food and continued to eat. I leaned over to Patrick and whispered, “So that's what I’m supposed to socialize with?”

He just laughed as Joe swallowed and proceeded to shout, “SECRETS DON’T MAKE FRIENDS.”

“Friends are for squares.” I smirked.

He nudged Andy, “I like this one, feisty.” all Andy did was nod. Luckily Pete came in with mountains of food and livened up the conversation.

“So did you guys hear what this little lady did to Urie’s kid?”

“I’m not little!” I complained, “I’m taller than Patrick.”

“That means nothing, everyone’s taller than Patrick.” he responded, and Patrick just nodded in agreement and continued with his salad. “That was not the point. So what happened was...” and with that he divulged into an overdramatic, totally inaccurate description of what happened that morning, but I was totally fine with it because it was fucking funny... until I felt a presence behind me and the table fell silent.

“Can I fucking help you?” I stood to face Brendon and his “crew” of delinquents.

“A, that was not how it happened at all, and B,” he placed his hand on my hip pulling me closer, “we have unfinished business.”

“A,” I mocked as I swatted his hand away, “We have no “business”. And B, I’m with someone so don’t fucking touch me you fucking asshole.” _Did I really just say that? Oh fuck me and my stupid mouth._

“Oh yeah? Who?”

I looked around and quickly grabbed Patrick because he was closest. “Him.” I gave him a rough kiss, knocking his hat off.  

He turned pink with embarrassment as he picked it up, stuttering, “Well, uh, um, you see-”

“Really?” Brendon laughed and shook his head “You chose tinkerbell over me?” the smile faded to a grimace as he reared back, aiming his fist at Patrick.

“Stop!” I shrieked, throwing myself in the line of fire. White hot pain spread through out my head as his fist connected with it and I toppled to the ground. It wasn’t like I hadn’t felt it before, but if you keep getting punched it doesn’t hurt less, you just know what to expect. I clutched my throbbing head and turned to look at Brendon who stood above me, looking like he’d just kicked a puppy.

“Dude,” one of his idiotic friends, Ryan, whispered, “You just punched a chick in the face.”

“I know dumbass. Shit, Sweets, you okay?”

“Does she look okay?” Pete shouted, “You punched a girl! I’m gonna fuck you up!”

“No, Pete, it’s fine.” I grabbed his hand to pull myself to my feet, “Just because I'm a girl doesn't mean I need protection. Gender equality, hun.” I leaned in close to Brendon, letting my lips brush his ear in a way I knew would get him going. I slid my hands across the front of his jeans, grabbed onto his ass and whispered, "I have experience with these sorts of things." He cocked his head slightly and by the time he realized what was about to happen, I was already driving my knee into his crotch, making him fall to the floor. “Patrick is like, three times smaller than you. Pick on someone your own size, dick hole. And don’t call me Sweets.” I kicked him in the stomach and Pete pulled out of the cafeteria and led me to his dorm before I could do any more damage.

“Fighting's never the answer, Sarah.” Patrick shook his head slightly

“Well tell that to your face. You should be thanking me, I saved you a black eye.” I shot back.

“You’re right. I should be more grateful it’s just, I would rather have gotten hit and it being over than to see two people hurt.”

“Why are you so nice to everyone?” I looked at him, honestly curious for the answer.

“I just try to treat the world better than it treated me.” He smiled and fiddled with the buttons on his sweater. “It’s just the way I am.” 


	4. Night Time

The rest of that day went past in a blur, running from class to class, same as I always had. The only abnormal thing had happened late that night at nearly 1:30 AM. I was awake, as usual on a Friday, when I heard the door creak open. I snapped my laptop shut and curled under the covers, pretending to sleep. Living in a house with my mother for so long, I had mastered the skill. Deep, even breaths, make sure not to move around too much but don’t be completely still, it was child’s play.

“Shh, she’s asleep!” a voice whispered when someone made a thud noise, running into something.

I assumed it it was a school thing, they had to make sure no one was in their rooms fucking. “Of course she is. It’s the middle of the night, dipshit!” another retorted.

“Technically it’s morning.”

“Will you guys just shut the fuck up?” a third growled. “You’re gonna wake one of them up!”

“How do we get her out without waking her up?” the second one asked.  _They are definitely not here to check on me._

“Lily said she was a deep sleeper.”  _Traitor_. “Just lift her up gently and then we should be good, and for god’s sake don’t drop her, you idiots!”

I fake snored quietly as one of them lifted me bridal style and hurried me out the door. Eventually I was set down in what felt like a bed.  _Oh god, is this what I think it is?_ “Oh my god she’s not wearing pants.” 

“You should be happy about that, one of the few times you get to see a girl’s underwear, Ryan.” I assumed it was Ryan who scoffed after the person said that.

“Sarah.” Someone poked my cheek. I opened my eyes to see Jon, one of Brendon’s delinquents, three inches away from my face.

“Fucking touch me and you will lose a testicle.” I warned. “Where am I and why?”

“Okay! Great! Cool! Spencer! You wanna take this one?”

“Ugh.” He pushed Jon out of the way and walked over to me, “Hey, so, you need to fuck Brendon.”

“Excuse me?” I asked, slightly taken aback. “Well, at least you were straight to the point. But you didn’t answer my questions. Where am I, first off. And secondly, why the fuck did you guys kidnap me?”

“You’re in me and Ryan’s dorm because we needed to talk to you without your friends or Brendon being around. Now back to what I was saying, you need to sleep with him.”

“Why? He’s a douche bag.” I retorted.

Ryan’s face grew red as he growled, “No he isn’t.”

“Calm your shit kid.” I said before turning back to Spencer. “Yeah, no. I’m not banging Brendon.”

“If you don’t, he’ll probably hurt your little boyfriend.” Jon warned.

“Boyfriend?” _Shit, Patrick._ “Oh, haha, funny story, he’s not actually my boyfriend. I just wanted to get Brendon off me.”

“Well then you should have no problem going at it with Brendon. You won’t be cheating so, why not? You afraid?” he taunted.

“Hey, I went to a psychiatrist for two years, reverse psychology doesn’t work on me.”

“You didn’t say you weren’t.” By now all three of them surrounded me and I had my back pressed up against the wall. “Come on Sarah.” I shivered as he lightly dragged his fingers down my bare thigh.

“I’m not. Nothing scares me anymore.” I sighed, “I just don’t believe in having sex with someone you’re not in love with.” _I am a great liar._  I crossed my arms, slowly growing more and more uncomfortable. Being surrounded by three hormone driven teenage boys in nothing but a tanktop and lacy panties doesn’t do the heart well.

“Oh come on!” Spencer exclaimed. “We read your file. You’ve been to juvie three times, and you’ve spent two nights in an adult jail. You expect me to believe you’re a virgin after that?”

“How did you get my file?” I asked, avoiding the question.

“My best friend’s mom is the principal. We know everything about you Sarah. Down to your shoe size.”

“Okay, well that’s fucking creepy.” I said, “Hey, so how about this, you guys stop cornering me and I won’t scream, m’kay?” They spread out and waited for me to continue to talk. “Let me make this perfectly clear. I am going back to my bed. I am not going to fuck anyone. Okay?”

“Sorry, we can’t let you leave until you agree.” Jon sighed, “Okay, here’s the thing. Brendon sees you as a… a challenge of sorts and he’ll stop at nothing to win. He’s never been turned down before and he’s not handling it very well. We’re just worried he’ll do something irrational.”

“Fucking rich bastard.” I mumbled.

“Hey, bitch. That’s my best friend so watch your fucking mouth.” Ryan said, furious.

“More like boyfriend.” I coughed.

“That’s it!” He walked over to me and slapped me hard across the face, I could feel the cold metal of his ring cut my cheek. He balled the front of my shirt and tugged me so close I could feel his breath on my nose. “Do not talk shit about Brendon! If it weren’t for him, you’d get ripped apart at this school.” Great, a black eye and a cut cheek.

I couldn’t help myself, I burst out laughing harder than I had in months. “Oh hun,” I ignored the pain on my cheek and continued, “The fact that you thought seeing me in my underwear was gross, your love of this boy, and how weak that slap was aren’t helping the gay rumors.”

His eyes grew wide with fear as he asked, “What gay rumors?” he let go and stepped back in disbelief.

My smirk turned to a cold glare, “The ones I’m gonna start if you don’t take your fucking hands off me. Did your sugar daddy buy you that ring? Now leave me the hell alone.” I stood up to leave but Jon pushed me back down again.

“Not until you say yes.” When he stepped forward he opened a gap between him and Spencer so I took the chance.

“No! Now get the fuck away from me.” I shoved my way past them and out the door.

“Sarah wait!” Someone called, but I just kept running until I found a place to hide. I choked down a scream as I watched three pairs of feet run by the storage closet I was in. I snuck through the halls until I found Pete and Patrick’s dorm.

“Let me in motherfuckers!” I beat on the door until a half naked Pete opened it, looking utterly confused.

“Is this a booty call?” he asked smirking tiredly, “Because if it is, I’m down.”

“You might regret saying that after you hear what just happened, you slut, now let me in I need pants.” He moved sideways to let me in and checked the hall before shutting the door quietly. I woke Patrick up by sitting on his bed and poking his face.

“Sarah?” he looked up at me groggily, and slipped on his glasses “Girls aren’t allowed in boy’s dorms after six. Why are you here? Holy smokes! Why do you have a hand mark on your face? Where are your pants!” He blushed brightly and looked away.

I told them everything that had just happened as I searched through Pete’s drawers until I found an old gray pair of sweatpants and slid them on.

“Well that’s fucking horrifying. How did they get into your room?” Pete said, looking skeptically at the lock on their own door.

“Lily must have given them a key. I’m ninety-nine percent sure she has a thing for Jon.” We all shuddered in disgust.

“So what do we do?”

I grinned as devilishly as one can at 2:00 in the morning. “Put on your war paint, boys.” And as soon as I had said that, Pete’s oversized sweat pants fell to my ankles. We erupted into laughter as I struggled to keep them up until finally Pete walked over and tied the strings for me then pulled me onto his lap as Patrick popped a movie into the player. Patrick fell asleep after about five minutes, so it was just Pete and me.

It was nearly silent except for our breathing and a few chuckles here and there until Pete whispered in my ear. “You’re an idiot, Sarah, I hope you know that.”

“Oh I know,” I yawned, the world slowly growing fuzzy and dark as I leaned against his warm skin, “I’m the epitome of bad ideas.”


	5. Advice From A Mute

I felt warm arms surround me as my eyes flickered open.  _Where am I?_  I looked up to see that Patrick was in the bed across from me, so it must have been Pete holding me.  _I sleep with a boy the day I meet him. This whole boarding school thing isn’t so bad after all._  I peeled myself off the warm mattress and out of Pete’s grasp, waking him up.

“Hey.” His voice was raspy and quiet.

“Hey. Mmm, what time is it?”

“Like 8ish.”

“Should we wake Patty Cakes?” I gestured to Patrick, still fast asleep, his hand clasped around his glasses.

He chuckled before responding, “Nah, let the kid sleep. He usually doesn’t stay up past 10:00, even 10:30 is a bit scandalous for him. Let’s just go get breakfast.” He ran a hand through his messy hair and we walked out the door.

“You guys better have pancakes or I’m gonna be pissed.” I joked as we walked down the hall, people watching us the entire way to the cafeteria. “Why is everyone staring at us?”

“Probably because you’re wearing my pants.”

My stomach growled audibly as I looked down at the grey, cheerleader style sweatpants that clearly said “WENTZ” on the ass and down the leg, “Whatever. I’m just here to eat. I’ll find seats, get me pancakes!” I poked his arm before heading to the back of the cafeteria to find a place people, hopefully, wouldn’t bother us. As I sat down, I pulled out my phone and began texting my dad until I felt the weight of a person pull the table down. “Hey, Pete, so my dad wanted to know if-”  I looked up and saw instead of Pete, it was Brendon. Well, there goes that dream. “Ugh, what.”

“Morning to you too Sweets.” he smirked and put his head in his hands, saying, “So, hows life in whore town?”

“Excuse me?”

“Making out with Tinkerbell yesterday, in Spence’s room last night, wearing Petey’s pants today, sleeping with me tonight.”

“What? I’m not sleeping with you. And they kidnapped me! If I had it my way I would have been asleep.”

“That’s not what they told me.”

“Oh yeah? And what exactly did they tell you?”

He mimed a blow job before winking and saying, “See you tonight Sarah.”

“Dream on, creep!” I shouted, throwing a crumpled napkin at him as he walked away towards his table of assholes. “Ew.” I muttered as Jon flicked his eyebrows and gave me a thumbs up, mouthing “Good job”. I looked back to my phone until Pete arrived with the food.

“Hey so they didn’t have pancakes but I got you waffles and some bacon.”

“What kind of a hell hole doesn’t have pancakes? Give me the damn waffles… this day keeps getting worse and worse.” I begrudgingly pulled the plate towards me and started covering them in syrup. “So, how’d you sleep last night?”

“It was nice… kinda strange though, don’t you think?”

“Nah. You were warm so I really didn’t mind. How do guys do that anyway?”

“Do what?”

“You all like, radiate heat. You’re never cold and- what the fuck is that.” I looked up from my waffles and saw Joe, eating per usual. His hair was frizzy- well frizzier than usual, and he looked like he’d just been hit by a truck. “You look like a mess, kid.”

“You don’t look like a supermodel either, babe.” Joe groaned sleepily.

“Is Andy awake?” Pete asked, laughing.

“Nope. Dude passed out last night, I don’t know what the fuck he’s been doing but I’d rather not wake him up to find out.”

“Oh wanna hear a fun rumor I heard about myself earlier?” I leaned forward on my fists, like a girl at a slumber party, sharing secrets.

“Oh Jesus.” Pete muttered, glaring in the general direction of Brendon and his friends.

“Apparently I gave Spencer, Jon,  _and_  Ryan blow jobs last night.”

“For free?” He and Joe pretended to look horrified.

“Yep.”

“How come I didn’t get one?” Pete joked, stealing a piece of bacon from my plate “Isn’t that what friends do?”

“Oh I apologize, but you’ll have to wait in line.” we laughed and continued chatting until we were finished. “We should probably bring Patrick and Andy something.” so Joe bought some toast. (“You snooze you lose” was his excuse for buying the cheapest thing possible) Joe took it to their room, while me and Pete headed for his room to wake up ‘The Little One’ as we had taken to calling him.

“Patrick, honey.” Pete used his mom voice, “Time to wake up and face the day!”

“Hi Pete, hey Sarah. Good morning!”

“Aww! You’re so cute when you’re sleeping.” Pete pinched his cheeks.

“Oh my god,” I groaned, “Just fuck already. Jesus Christ you guys.” Patrick blushed but Pete just blew a kiss at him, causing him to blush harder. I rolled my eyes and told them about my little ‘run in’ with Brendon that earlier.

“Well that’s…fun.” Patrick looked down at the floor, glowing pink.

“I didn’t actually do it, just so you know.”

He smiled, “I know, don’t worry. I wouldn’t think any less of you if you did, though.“

“Well,” I sighed deeply, “I’m gonna go take a shower then go for a smoke if anyone cares to join me.”

“I’ll shower with you.” Pete winked and flicked his eyebrows up.

“Ew, I meant come smoke with me you whore. Bye guys.”

After I showered I headed back to the bridge with my cigars. As I walked to the small rock that had been my hiding spot last time I noticed a familiar face out of the corner of my eye. “Andy? Jesus, does everyone come here? I need a new hiding spot.” He just gave a small wave. I hopped the rocks across the river and sat down next to him. “Wanna smoke?” I pulled one out and held it out to him. He took it with a grateful smile as I picked up my lighter and lit both of ours.

After nearly ten minutes of listening to nothing but the babbling water I cracked. I turned to him and asked, “How did everything get so fucked?” he cocked his head enticing me to continue, but I didn’t know how, so I just sighed and said, "It’s all gone to shit.”

“Shitty things happen to great people. You can’t mope forever, you just have to move on and make it less shitty.”

“I think that’s the first time I’ve ever heard you talk.” I laughed, “So, what  _did_ you do last night?” he just smiled and took one long drag from the cigar before throwing it in the river, standing and walking away.


	6. An Encounter

By noon my stomach was starting to ache and grumble from hunger. I put my notebook down when stomach begged audibly. I groaned as I stood up and back into the building.

I sat a down and asked Patrick and Pete, “Where are Fluffhead and the Mute?” I motioned towards Andy and Joe’s empty seats with my fork.

“Sleeping.” They said in unison.

“I swear you guys are the same fucking person sometimes, other times you’re night and day.” I rolled my eyes and stole a fry from Pete.

“Get your own, free loader.” He chuckled and swatted at my hand, but I just grabbed the entire cup of fries and ran. “Come back here little girl!” He shouted, following me out the door.

“I’m not little!” I huffed and headed for the courtyard. “Move!” I shouted at the groups of people surrounding the door. I shoved it open and hoofed it towards the woods that stood tall and dark behind the school. I heard the footsteps behind me slow down so I sprinted along the side of the river, leaving my Van’s imprints in the sand. “Catch me if you can, Peter!” I taunted

“I can and will!” he hollered, fighting for breath.

I ran until I saw a waterfall and a chasm, “Shit.” I gasped. The chasm looked to be hundreds of feet deep, rushing water had sharpened the rocks below with time. By now he had caught up to me and was trying to grab the fries from my hand. “This wouldn’t have happened if you had just shared.” I finally just sat down and clutched the fries to my chest.

“If you think I won’t touch your boobs for those fries let me just tell you, you are dead wrong.” he laughed, crouching down beside me and stared intently at the fries until I handed them over, after taking a large handful, of course. I munched on the few fries I had left and we watched the river flow in silence.

“If this is where I think it is,” Pete stood up and looked around for a moment, “there should be two bottles of wine right...about...here!” I heard a clink and he dropped to his knees to dig up the bottles. _Strawberry Hill... sounds like a cheap brand._

“Here, hand me your shoe.” I laughed as I watched him struggle trying to dig the cork out of one. He obliged and I set the bottle in the shoe and banged it against a tree horizontally until the cork began to slide out. When it got out far enough I bit down hard and yanked it out.

“How...?”

“There’s a lot you can learn when you work at- uh go to college parties.” I smiled and changed the subject, sipping the wine and asking, “How did you know that was there anyway?”

“Buried it there freshman year. I had it in my room, but Pat went all ‘Alcohol is bad Pete!’ So I promised him I would get rid of it. I did, technically.”

“What’s he gonna say when you come back totally smashed?”

“Pete!” he mimicked, “Are you drunk? That’s bad!” he flashed in angelic smile and pretended to fix an imaginary hat and push up invisible glasses.

“That’s pretty good! How much have you worked on that impression?”

“Millions of times.” he chuckled and took the bottle from me, taking a large sip.

A few minutes later, things were starting to get slightly fuzzy, and I was feeling good and warm.

“Sarah?” Pete asked, his voice a bit slower and quieter than his usual self.

“Yeah?”

He lifted the bottle to his lips one last time, drinking up liquid courage before speaking. “I’m addicted to the way I feel when I think about you.” He rested his hand on mine and leaned forward slowly, brushing his lips lightly against mine for permission before fully kissing me. I could taste the sweet wine as I opened my mouth slightly. I lifted my free hand to his hair and he pulled me forward by the hip with his. I let myself fall to my back, pulling him on top of me. I could feel water tickle my legs as they dangled over the chasm. He released my hand and set his arms on either side of my head, allowing me to wrap mine around his waist and tug lightly on his shirt. I could feel him smile as I lightly nibbled his lip. I could smell his cologne, warm and playful, like him. He pulled away and looked in my eyes, his lips hovering above mine for a moment before he traced my jaw with kisses, making me giggle like a little girl.

“A bit far for a first kiss, huh?” I bit my lip to fight a moan as his mouth reached where my jaw connects with my neck.

“Sorry,” he whispered into my ear before rolling onto his back, leaving our legs tangled together, “You’re just so beautiful, I couldn't stop myself. Since you slept in my bed, doing this is all I’ve been able to think about.” He reached over and linked fingers with me, just laying there, watching the clouds float past and breathing deeply.

“Well that was different.” I laughed, giddy with the words and the wine.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry this is really short, i just liked the ending! i'll post the next one immediately after, i hope that makes up for it :)


	7. Kisses On The Necks Of Best Friends

We walked back to the dorms, hand in hand. He planted a small kiss on my head as we stumbled along.

“We should do that again sometime,” I breathed as we walked into the dusty school air. “Get slightly drunk and make out in the woods. It was nice.”

“We will.” he rubbed small circles on the back of my hand with his thumb.

We walked in a comfortable silence to my room, only speaking to say goodbye when he dropped me off, kissing me gently, and walking away leaving me with the taste of wine and him mixed on my lips. After that I practically jumped into my room, dramatically shutting the door and sliding down it like all the girls in the movies. After recollecting myself I stood and turned on my record player, quietly playing music in the background to calm my nerves, and got in the shower. That was the only place I could really think.

As the water rushed over me, it washed away his taste and the way he smelled, but not the way my heart skipped a beat each time he came to mind, not the way his lips felt, and not the warm feeling the wine had given me. When I got out, I felt this incredible energy surround me, compelling me to do anything and everything and nothing all at once. As this filled every part of me, I had to do _something_. I had to feel the beat again, I had to make my heart weary with excitement and fear.

I bit my lip and looked at my dresser.  _No, not today. Now isn't the time._ I thought for a moment of a better way, a less dangerous way to get my heart beating.

Pulling on my boots, I opened the window, searching until I found it. A thick, flat roof about ten feet away beckoned me. I lowered myself out the window and hung until my feet reached a thin ledge and slid closer to the roof.

“Shit.” I muttered as a bit of stone below me broke and clattered on the ground, dozens of feet below. _Less dangerous, huh? Drugs would at least keep me stationary._  I pulled myself back up and continued until there was no where left, and jumped. I bent my knees and braced for impact, even though it wasn’t a far jump, my ankles still hurt like hell. I groaned and sat down, hanging my feet over the ledge and swinging them to the beat of my heart.

I sat there, silence filling me, and closed my eyes for a moment to take the world in. When I opened them I saw the sun slide down behind the rolling hills that contrasted the large brick building I was confined in. _How long have I been up here? It was just noon moments ago, wasn’t it?_

The sky’s orangy-red turned  a deep violet, which then gave way to night, stars dotting the sky. I found myself slinking my way back to my room, crawling in bed and letting a small sigh escape before closing my eyes.

 

Then it was morning again, Monday morning to be exact. _Ugh it’s Monday. Fuck Monday. Oh SHIT IT’S **THAT** MONDAY. FUCK THIS MONDAY._ The day I had to be locked in a room with Brendon for four hours. Great.

I peeled myself out of bed and started toward the bathroom. After I mouthwashed, I battled my hair for about five minutes before giving up and throwing it into a bun. I clipped it down, pulled on in oversized, blue sweater, some black jeans and my batman socks. I slipped on some checkered Vans before grabbing my backpack and shoving myself out the door, slapping some cherry chapstick on.

As I trudged to my first class, rubbing the sleep from my eyes, I felt someone staring at me. I whipped around but no one was looking. _Hmm. Maybe I’m just getting paranoid after the whole getting kidnapped thing. Should I have told someone about that? Oh well._ But the feeling lingered for the rest of the day.

 

After class I met Brendon in the hall, and we slowly made our way to Mrs. Urie’s office. She greeted us, or should I say me, with a cold glare. “I’m sure you know why you’re here. Today you’ll be cleaning the entire office top to bottom while I attend the annual staff party.”

“You mean no one will be watching us?” Brendon blurted, stupidly. I rammed my elbow into his side. _That idiot._

“No, because I trust you, Brendon. I also trust that this will be the last time this happens. Plus, if this office isn’t spick and span when I release you, there will be more...severe consequences than a mere detention. Anyways, I’m off. You have from now until eight thirty. Have fun.” She strutted out and slammed the door behind her.

“Fuck you!” I shouted after she had presumably walked away, anger swelling at her superior attitude.

“That’s my mom!”

“So? She pisses me off. Let’s just get this overwith.” I grumbled, heading to the back room for the cleaning supplies.

As I opened the door, I heard his loud footsteps coming after me. “Hey!”

“Wha- woah.” He was an inch from my face. _This kid really does not understand personal space._

“Sarah I-” he sighed, “Look, I don’t know what those guys did to you, but I’m sorry. I didn’t know that would happen, I just really like you. You’re the first girl to ever turn me down, you’re- fucking hell this is cliche, but you’re just... different.” His dark eyes tore into me as he stared, lip quivering slightly. He really did look sorry, but I wasn’t going to fall for his trick.

“This isn’t a movie, Brendon. You can’t say I’m ‘not like other girls’ and expect me to cream in my panties.” I set my jaw and stared coldly back at him. “You have to _prove_ to me you care. You can’t expect me to fall for someone I just met, someone who, let's not forget, called me a whore about 24 hours ago, someone who insults the few friends I have. I don’t date assholes.” I pushed him away and started mopping.

I’d gotten half way down the hall before he even reacted. He was running suddenly, “But Sarah, you can’t just- SHIT!” He slipped in the water, hitting his head, hard, with a gross, loud _clack_!

“God _dammit_.” I sighed, walking gently to avoid a similar fate. I dragged him to the main office and set him up in a chair.

I cleaned quickly and sloppily, not worrying about Urie coming back. She was already drunk, I could tell. Her job is hard, being hated by 500 people, staff included. _She probably drained the vodka all by herself._

He was still out cold as I felt around his pockets for his key, “Bingo.” I snatched the key and checked his room number. _204... blue wing. Never been there before._

It took about twenty minutes, but I finally dragged his unconscious body to his room.

Gasping for breath, I unlocked his door and dragged him to his couch. As soon as he was up there, I sat down. _Fuck, that was a lot harder than I thought it would be._

I was still breathing heavily when he woke up. “What the fuck...” he tried to stand, but I flung my arm into his chest to keep him down.

“You’ll only make it worse. I’ll get you some ice.” I hadn’t actually looked around his room. I can’t even call it a room, it was literally an apartment. The kitchen connected to a small living area, where he was whining about his head on the couch. I walked in and grabbed a paper towel, filled it with ice from the refrigerator (THEY HAVE A FUCKING FRIDGE IN THEIR DORM), and put the ice on the back of his head. “What were you gonna say when you came running?”

“Ugh, I don’t even remember...” I pulled the towel off, and there was blood.

I walked over to the kitchen and started looking around. “Shit, dude, do you have rubbing alcohol or something? How the hell did you manage this...” I heard my phone go off, but it wasn’t in my pocket. Brendon was sitting there, reading my texts. “The fuck are you doing?”

“Are you and Pete together?” He looked angry.

I felt a pang in my chest as I asked, “What?”

“Are. You. And. Pete. Together.”

“No.” _We’re not... not really. We made out, once._

He read the text, “Meet me at the same place as last time, I miss you. Your mouth is like life support to me.” I melted inside a little. That was kind of hot.

“It’s none of your business.” I tried to snatch the phone, but he was taller than me. “Give me the phone, I have to go.”

His eyes widened, “Are you kidding me? I pour my heart and soul out to you, not to mention getting injured in the process, and you’re gonna go fuck Pete! Unbelieveable.” He kept my phone above his head, out of my reach.

“You’re so childish. Give me the fucking phone!” He dropped it into my hand and I stuffed it in my pocket.

“I will win you someday.”

“I’m not a prize,” I said, halfway out the door, “But if I was, you wouldn’t even make it into the competition.” I slammed it shut and headed out of the building, telling Pete I was on my way.

I sighed deeply, walking out into the cold March air. Heading to the chasm, I could hear and feel the soft crunch of the late night dew that had frozen beneath my feet. _“I pour my heart and soul out to you...”_ His words echoed in my head. I tugged at my sleeves, yearning for the crappy wine to warm me up, and to cloud my thoughts.

 _Brendon might actually love me. Oh this is all wrong. You can't love someone you've known for two days. Plus, I hate Brendon... right?_ When I arrived, Pete was already there, shoe and bottle in hand, slamming it against a tree. Laughing, I took them from him and sure enough, three hard hits and I bit the cork, then stuffed it in my back pocket. I took a long sip from the bottle, swallowed, and placed a wine flavored kiss on his smiling lips.

We sat down, legs hanging, hands locked, all over again. We didn’t say much, we didn’t have to. I just handed him the bottle, and he handed it back after a sip.

What felt like hours later, that bottle was finished, so I got up and opened a new one. I was only half drunk, so I knew as I took a sip, this was going to hurt like hell tomorrow morning.

As I sat next to him he asked, “So, what are we?”

“Well,” I sighed, “I don’t really know. Friends with benefits sounds nice?”

“Oh, okay.” He smiled, but he looked disappointed. I felt the same. I wanted him, I wanted to be able to call him mine, but this way was better. This way, no one gets hurt, no one feels trapped or tied down. _This way is better,_ I convinced myself, sitting on his lap. I kissed him hard, maybe to get my mind off of everything, maybe to get more alcohol in my mouth, or to be near him, to know him, I don’t know. I just knew it felt right and I never wanted to stop.


	8. Troublemakers

After about another hour, and the last of the wine, we decided it was time to get back, or we’d pass out here. He helped me to my feet, and we took off running, hand in hand to his dorm. We tried to get in without waking little Patty, but let’s face it. We had a lot of alcohol. We were totally shitfaced.

“Guys, seriously?” Patrick was horrified at the state we were in when we came crashing through the door at “3:06 in the morning?”

“Relax,” Pete slurred, slapping a hand over Patrick’s mouth, “shhhshshshsh Patrick. I’m fine. Great. Made out. Awesome. Drunk. Tired.” He lied down on his bed, out cold in seconds.

“Do I have to mother you guys all the time?” Patrick groaned, pulling a blanket over Pete before grabbing my hand and showing me back to my room. Luckily Lily was at her friend’s dorm, so he had no problem making me get into my pajamas and sending me off to bed.

I woke the next morning to a crashing headache and a swirling stomach. Surely they won’t mind if I take first hour off? Maybe second and third too... I was slowly drifting back to sleep when there was a loud knock on the door. “Ugh.” I stood up... and sat right back down, the pain in my head was blinding. “The key is behind the number. Make yourself at home. Stay away from my money.”

And in walked Patrick with a bottle of water and some pills. “Drink this and lie down. Andy and Joe are getting us excuses for the day, and I’m never letting you near alcohol again. Now chug.” He said quietly and sat next to me, shoving the water bottle into my arms before standing up again and shutting the curtains to block as much light as possible. “You seemed to be great at swallowing ridiculous amounts of liquid last night, so this shouldn’t be hard.” he mumbled, barely loud enough for me to hear, but the hangover was making every sound ten times louder. And a lot more painful.

I stopped drinking to take a breath and gasp, “Asshole.” at him. When I finished, he went to fill it up again so I asked, “How do you know so much about hangover cures?” My head was already feeling better.

“Things happen at boarding schools. I knew I would fall into a situation like this so I did my research.” He said simply, handing me the now full bottle of water. “Drink up! You have a long day ahead of you.” Great.

So far I’d had five whole water bottles, an aspirin and four pieces of toast. He left, telling me to take a nap and he’ll wake me up later and bring Pete, “So we can talk about what you guys did.” Ugh, is our mother, isn’t he. I yanked my blanket over my head and tried to get rid of the pain crushing my skull by banging my head against the pillow. Why would this be any better? I flopped over onto my back and stared at my ceiling for what seemed like hours, but in actuality was probably minutes, until my eyes got heavy and I felt warm, drifting off...

The door creaked quietly and I heard two pairs of soft footsteps make their way in. I felt the pressure of a person pull down the corner of my bed as I groaned in frustration of waking up. Patrick, I assumed. He slowly tugged the corner of my blanket off, hoping to wake my up as gently as possible. I propped myself up on my elbow and smirked at him.

“So,” I began, looking from him to Pete, who was now on Lily’s bed, and back, “am I more than you bargained for yet?”

“Definitely.” Patrick muttered, pushing a stray piece of hair from my face. “So, I’m just gonna get right into it. What happened last night, you guys?”

Of course immediately Pete and I both pointed our hands in the direction of each other, each exclaiming that it was the other’s fault. Patrick buried his face in his had a moment, before starting up again. “I don’t care whose fault it was! Just tell me what happened, there’s no need for blame.”

“She got me drunk and tried to take advantage of me!” Pete said, trying to sound serious but bursting with laughter after about three seconds of silence.

Patrick ran his hand through his messy, blonde hair frustratedly, looking at me in hopes I would just tell him, which I did. “I did get him drunk but it was all consensual! We didn’t do much, just talked and kissed. Sorry, we tried not to wake you but blabbermouth here is a loud drunk.” I jabbed a finger in Pete’s direction. He started to protest, but memories of last night presumably made him change his mind.

“Okay guys, listen,” he exhales loudly, “I just want you guys to be safe, and I don’t want you to get in trouble. Promise me you won’t drink again?” Pete and I exchanged looks before turning back to Patrick, who pleaded, “At least until you’re legal?”

“We love you, Patty, but you and I both know that won’t happen. But we can promise you it will happen less often and we’ll be safer about it?” I bit my lip, acting worried, but I knew he would never turn us in. He was a good person, but he was just as loyal.

He opened and closed his mouth once or twice before asking, “One last question, are you guys... together? Or like...?”

“Friends with benefits, we think.”

“We don’t even know, dude.” Pete chuckled.

After Patrick let us go, Pete and I lazed about in bed. I was on my phone with my head in his lap. He listened to music as he played with my hair, occasionally bending over to kiss my head, relieving the headache pains momentarily. We stayed like this until my stomach growled. “Ugh,” he complained when I suggested we go eat, “Why can’t we make Patrick bring us food?”

“He has done enough for us today, princess. Now get up or I will hit you in the balls with the back of my head.”

“Fine.”

He wrapped his arm around me as we walked to lunch, coughing and pretending to look sick whenever a teacher passed.

As we rounded the corner I felt a hand land on my shoulder, so I instinctively grabbed it and twisted it behind the owner’s back before I even knew who it was.

“Ah! Fuck, Sarah!” Brendon shouted.

As I let him go I muttered, “And you always thought you would be the one making me scream,” making Pete chuckle.

“Very funny, now, what I was gonna say, before you assaulted me, was, I’m sorry for being a dick...again. What I said last night was uncalled for, and I’m sorry.” He dug his toe into the ground as he spoke, “I wanna make it up to you.”

I crossed my arms, “And how, exactly, are you planning to do that?”

“Gah, uh, I don’t know. What do you want? I can change your grades, we could go shopping, um...”

“You know what? Sure. Take me shopping. Get me out of here.”

“What?” Pete and Brendon said, in unison.

I shrugged, “He said he wants to make it up to me, I’m poor, why not? If he really feels sorry, he won’t try anything with me, and if he does, I can handle myself.”

“I can’t control you, but I don’t think this is a good idea.” Pete looked at me with a hint of anger, “I don’t trust him, not anymore.” Anymore? I didn’t question it.

“I’m trying to give this whole ‘being nice’ thing a try. I’ve never had many friends...I’m figuring myself out, Pete.” When he didn’t looked convinced I got close to his ear and whispered, “I’ll buy something we could find useful...” and kissed his cheek gently before looking at him, pleadingly. I was going either way, it would just feel better with his approval.

“It’s your life, Sarah. I get it, it’s fine.” He smiled, but something in his eyes when he looked at Brendon told me this still didn’t sit right with him. “I’ll get us food, you can work out your plans, hun.” And squeezed my hand before walking off in the direction of the cafeteria.

“We’ll skip out during third period and go tomorrow, good?”

“Fine by me, Sweets.”

“Don’t call me Sweets.”


	9. 2000 Light Years Away

The next day we met in my dorm.

I showed Brendon how to get on the roof, and he slid expertly down the wall until he landed on the ground. I could tell this was _not_ his first time escaping this place.

“Jump into my arms.” He said, holding his arms up.

“If you drop me I want ten thousand dollars.”

“Well we best not let that happen.” Brendon smirked.

“GOODBYE CRUEL WORLD!” I screamed as I jumped into his arms. We laughed until a loud tap came from the window beside us.

“Fuck, run!” Shouted Brendon as we dashed for the fence, but I looked back and laughed, it was just Ryan.

“RyRo!” I shouted gleefully as he climbed out his ground floor window onto the dry grass of the underwatered courtyard.

“Don’t call me RyRo,” he grumbled, tugging at his jacket to fight the cool breeze of early March, “What are you guys doing?”

“I could ask you the same thing? Getting high without me again?” I winked, hoping it would be enough to push him over the edge. I just really enjoyed getting on this kid’s nerves.

Sadly, he kept his calm and turned to Brendon who was already sitting on top of the “fence”, which was really just a tall, gray, cement wall, cracked and scuffed from years of students doing exactly what we were doing right now.

“We’re leaving, what does it look like, Ry?” Brendon responded, as he pulled me up next to him.

“Aw that’s so cute you guys have nicknames!”

“I could push you off.”

“But you won’t.”

“Oh really?” He raised an eyebrow to challenge me, so I decided to one up him.

“Do it.” I stood up arms out, eyes closed. After about a minute of silence and me not falling, I laughed and sat back down, “Told you you couldn’t do it, you little baby.”

“So you would have pushed me?”

“Probably.”

“Yeah right,” He scoffed, “Whatever. Lets go, bye Ryan.”

The car ride to the mall was quiet. We got in and he just turned on the radio, so we sat without saying a word.

“So, where to first?” I said cheerily, as we walked into the building.

“Your choice Sweets.” And he, annoyingly cocky Brendon, was back.

“Call me Sweets again and I will buy the most expensive thing in this mall.” I winked, “Let’s just walk around and see what’s what.”

 

We were meandering from store to store. I hadn’t bought anything, and I probably wasn’t going to, I just wanted an escape from school.

“So, why did you come to Skyhill?”

“Custody battle.” I sighed, “My mom won, only to piss off my dad. She didn’t even want me, really, so she just shoved me here. She just wanted to see my dad fall, me and him helped each other out. He helped me out of addiction, I helped him deal with my mom leaving and...uh, found a way to help pay the bills.”

“Wow. I did not expect that.” We stopped and sat in those $1 massage chair things, “Did he cheat or something?”

I chuckled, “Funny story, she cheated on him.”

“Seriously?”

“Yeah.”

He looked at his hands for a second, “I don’t wanna, like, be a dick or anything, but your moms kind of-”

“A bitch?” I finished, smiling at him.

“Hah, yeah. I didn’t wanna say that because that’s an asshole thing to do. And you know me,” He made a serious face, “I would never be an asshole!” That actually made me laugh.

“Never.” I agreed sarcastically, rolling my eyes.

After a moment of silence he asked, “Wanna go get some food?”

I nodded and we headed off to the food court to see what we could find.

I found us seats while he bought food. I looked up at Brendon when he came back, and frowned. “Do you think this will ever end?”

“What?” He mumbled, mouth already full of noodles.

I bit my eggroll and said, “The stupid high school drama. Is it really high school drama, or is it just life?”

“I think life is what you make it, you just gotta remember your supplies are limited.” He took a sip of Coke and continued, “You can’t just go through friends like napkins, that’show drama happens, leaving people behind.”

“Huh. You actually made sense right there.”

He smiled, “I know stuff about that.” I just nodded again. “Hey, I have sort of a strange request.”

“I don’t like the sound of that.” I joked, taking one final sip of my drink.

“I uh, was wondering if you would help me out and come to this charity ball thing, like, with me?”

“Charity ball?”

“Yeah, it’s stupid. It’s for whose parents donate a certain amount of money to the school to help fund kids who don’t have enough money to be here.” He sighed, “I have to go because I’m the principal’s son, but I don’t have anyone to go with.”

I scoffed, “Oh please. You have the entire freshman class wrapped around your finger and every sophomore girl is a notch in your bedpost.”

He smirked, “But none of them would look as stunning as you in the dress I found to go with my tux.”

“You already bought a dress?” I raised an eyebrow, “You don’t even know my size.”

“I haven’t bought it yet. I was hoping you could tell me so I could buy it before they sell out?”

I sighed, “Fine. I’ll go, but you owe me big time for this one, Urie.”

“Oh come on, I’m already taking you on a shopping spree!” He rolled his eyes, “You can’t tell me you haven’t dreamed of going to a ball in a fancy dress, plus you get to drink for three hours.”

“Well, the drinking does sound nice, but... I’m not like you, Brendon. You and all your friends have all grown up rich and happy, but people like me and Pete... we weren’t so lucky. You’ve never had to work for a meal, you’ve never had to do... things that give you nightmares, just so your family could stay in a house.”  
He looked shocked, “Was your life really that bad? I thought you were just poor.”

“What the fuck does “just poor” mean?” He looked down as I talked, “If by “just poor” you mean I “just” didn’t have enough money to get the things I needed then yeah, I was “just poor”.”

“I... I didn’t mean it like that.”

I sighed, “Yes, you did. You just don’t know any better. It’s fine.”

“You sure?” He bit his lip, “You can keep yelling at me if it make you feel better.”

“Nah, I just need to cool off.” He popped open his empty soda cup, reached in, and smirked, holding out a piece of ice. “You’re hilarious.” I picked it up and crunched it between my teeth.

We threw out our trash and started wandering again. 

“Hey, so, what did you do that gives you nightmares?” He looked concerned.

“That’s a story for another time, Urie.”

 

 


	10. Why'd You Only Call Me When You're High?

“Hey, Brendon,” I leaned against his car, looking into his soft, brown eyes, “I forgive you.”

He propped himself up on his arm, just next to my head, his face inches from mine, “Thanks. Sorry for all the shit I give you.”

“It’s fine, I give it right back.” I smirk.

He starts to say something, but decides against it. We’re both leaning in before I know what’s happening, but then, our lips a split second away from touching, I pull back, and so does he.

“I can’t.”

He nods, “I understand.”

“Thank you.”

 

We rolled back into school just in time for dinner. He boosted me up to the balcony and I climbed people’s windows back into my dorm. I made my way to dinner lost in thought. I gave Brendon a small, knowing nod as I passed him and managed to get to my table without dropping my tray.

“Hey guys. How was prison- I mean hell- I mean class?”

“You just about summed it up right there.” Mumbled Joe, focused intently on his burger.

“Where were you all day?” Patrick asked.

“Just out doing girl stuff. Buying tampons and birth control, stripping, selling my body, the usual Wednesday.” I smiled, poking his arm, “What did you do today, Patty?”

“Nothing like that!” He blushed brightly.

“Petey! Why are you so quiet?”

“I’m not being quiet.” He practically whispered.

“Say it a little louder hun,” I joked, “Are you okay?” Genuine concern flooding my voice.

He must have noticed by the way he visibly perked up and reassured me that he was fine. “Meet me at the waterfall tonight?”

“Of course.”

 

The rest of the day was quiet until we met at the waterfall.

“How was it?”

“Shopping?” We were sitting side by side, clutching each other’s hand like if we didn’t we’d get lost in the void with those stars. “Boring. He had all this self control and stuff. It’s a lot less fun when he’s not trying to get in my pants all the time. I didn’t even have to kick his ass once.” As I waited for a response I hoped like hell that restored his faith in me.

“Are you serious? Are we thinking of the same Brendon? Tall, super horny, and a horrible case of alpha male syndrome?”

“Same guy.” I nodded. After a moment I asked, “Why do you have such a big problem with Brendon?” This had been burning in the back of my mind for a while, and then seemed as good a time as any.

“We just... have a long history.” He sighed, staring at his hands. “I don’t trust him with people I care about. It’s stupid, I don’t think you really wanna know.”

“I do want to know, but don’t tell me if you don’t want to. When you’re ready I’ll be here to listen.” He smiled lightly, a silent thank you.

We leaned back and lied down to get a better look at the stars. We gave up on talking for a while, enjoying the sound of the wind in the trees.

I closed my eyes for what felt like only a second, but when I opened them, the sun was in the middle of the sky.

“Shit.” I muttered under my breath. My back and neck were stiff, and my shoes were soaked from being hit by the mist from the waterfall all night.

Looking down, one of Pete’s arms was flung over my stomach, the other was covering his eyes. I sighed deeply before lifting his arm off and dropping it on his chest.

“Pete.” I said.

“Hmm.”

“We fell asleep at the chasm.”

His morning voice was quiet and raspy, “Yes we did.”

“Oh god. We’ve missed so much class...” I fumbled around in my pocket until I found my phone, “Lunch starts in ten minutes.”

He was chuckling, looking at his own phone now, “Thirteen texts from Patrick and two calls.”

I glanced at mine, “Fifteen. I win.”

“Any calls?” He raised an eyebrow.

“One.”

Smiling, he pushed himself off the ground, then reached down to help me up, “We’re even then?”

“Guess so.” I didn’t let go of his hand, and we walked through the courtyard and back to the building.

“He’s going to be beyond furious.” Pete said as he held the cafeteria door open for me.

“That’s an understatement.” I pointed out Patrick, who had an intense glare pointed at us from across the room.

Pete suddenly burst out, “Not it! You deal with him, I’m gonna get food.”

“Fuck- dammit, Pete! I wasn’t ready, asshole.”

“Sucks.” He gave me a gentle shove in their direction and turned to the lunch line.

I slid into my usual spot, letting out a gentle, “Heyyyyy guyssssss.”

Andy waved and Joe smiled and said, “Hey Sarah.” But Patrick? Patrick was silent.

“Are you gonna say anything or are you just gonna sit there and-”

“You two had me fucking worried sick. You just disappeared of the face of the earth, and neither of you would pick up your goddamn phones, which just made me more worried. Where the hell did you go?”

“We fell asleep by the chasm. It wasn’t on purpose, Pat, I promise. I didn’t mean to cause you any heartache, really.”

Pete sat down next to me, handed me a burger and nodded, “I’m sorry Patrick, dude.”

“If you miss any more school you’re both gonna fail. You’re gonna be stuck here another year.” He let out an annoyed breath, “Why do you and Pete feel the need to be such delinquents? What’s so great about skipping class? I blame it on all the alcohol you two guzzle.”

I narrowed my eyes, “Hey, we weren’t drunk! Just tired, okay? I apologized already. I don’t know what fucking else you want from me.”

“You need to chill the fuck out, okay? Our grades aren’t relevant, and they’re none of your business.” Agreed Pete.

“Just trying to look out for you...” He muttered.

I was already not in a good mood. My back was stiff, this burger was cold, and now Patrick was treating me like a four year old. “I’m not a fucking child, Patrick! I can take care of myself, okay? You’re not my father, you’re not my guardian angel, you’re my _friend_. I don’t need a god damn baby sitter.” I shot up and stormed off, heading to my room to do something I knew, but didn’t care, that I was going to regret.

 

Yes, my father helped end my addiction, but you can’t kill the cravings. They creep up in the back of your mind and wait for something to push you until you snap and lose control. I was tired. My neck hurt. I just got into a fight with one of my only friends. Sometimes you just need to do a line of coke and forget your awful life, so I did.

I burst into the dorm, stomping past Lily, whom I ignored as she tried to talk to me. I whipped my drawers open one by one, until I found the box where I kept my emergency stash. I pulled out a small baggie and walked to the bathroom.

“Leave me alone for, like, an hour, please.” I said, not even listening for an answer as I locked the door. I dumped the bag on the counter and pushed it into a clumsy line with my finger, licking off the excess powder that stuck to my finger. I smiled at the familiar numbness it caused and slid across the counter, sniffing up the line. It was like seeing an old friend. My eyes went in and out of focus as the drugs began to take effect. My anger dripped away, my heart raced, and a smile spread across my face.

I felt like I could run a marathon, but I knew I had to stay in this room or I’d get something worse than expelled. _Jail? That’s not too bad. But what if they didn’t even want me in the country! Would they deport me? What if they send me to Mexico? I can’t speak Spanish oh Jesus Christ!_ The paranoia took over and I curled into a ball in the empty bath tub. I was frantic, so I called Pete.

“Hey Sarah, Patrick wanted me to tell you he’s sor-”

“Pete. Pete. Pete. I need you to listen caref-” There was a knock at the door.

“I’m going to a friend’s dorm for the night, have fun doing... whatever.” Lily called from outside.

I ignored her and started again, “I need you to listen carefully. I think I’m going to be deported. I want you to keep all my stuff until I’m done serving out my time... okay?”

“Wh- Sarah? What the hell are you talking about? Slow down, holy shit.” I kept spouting nonsense faster and faster until he finally said, “Are you in your dorm? I’m coming over to figure out what the fuck is going on.”

“No!” But he had already hung up.

It seemed to only take seconds, and he was knocking at the door. _Fuck, I shouldn’t have given him my spare key_. I tried to keep silent so he would leave. I didn’t want him to see me like this. Suddenly, out of the corner of my eye, I saw the shower curtain begin to fall, and jumped, my foot knocking over a shampoo bottle in the process. The curtain stayed put, _damn drugs fucking with my head._

“Sarah?” I could hear him feel around above the door, grabbed the key and opened the bathroom door, a confused look on his face. “What’s all this talk about being depor- what’s going on?” He looked around, from the leftover powder on the counter, my dilated pupils, and my behavior, I was sure he was connecting the dots.

I got out of the tub and grabbed his arm, “Don’t tell.”

“God dammit Sarah.” He pulled me into a hug. _He’s gonna keep quiet, thank god._ But when I looked up in the mirror, he was texting someone.

“Pete!” I grabbed it, but he’d already sent the message. You three need to get to Sarah’s dorm, pronto.

He gave me a pleading look. “It’s not like I told a teacher! I’m sorry, but this is a problem we need to deal with.”

“It’s not a problem! For all you know this is my first time.” I crossed my arms.

“Oh please. You’ve been here for like, a week. You don’t have connections like that yet. And I’m sure being here didn’t get you curious about drugs.”

I sat on the ground and put my head in my hands, “God. I’m so sorry. I’ve been trying so hard but I just- they got me. They always sit right at the back of my skull and pull and pull and pull and I just got sick of it and let them do whatever. And now I’m a cracked out mess, crying at someone I’ve known for a week on my bathroom floor.”

He crouched down and tilted my head up gently to look at him, “It’s okay. We can fix this, you’re gonna be okay, I promise.” There was a knock at the door. “It’s open. We’re in the bathroom.” All three boys trailed into the tiny room, Patrick at the back, staring at his shoes.

“Hey guys...” I mumbled, running my hands through my disheveled hair.

“So, do you have any more?” Pete asked.

“What?”

He chuckled, “So we can get rid of it, duh.”

 _Oh! Oh. Oh no. No, no. I payed a lot of money for that shit._ “U-uh... this was my last bag.” I was coming down, but the after effects were really fucking with my ability to lie. Which is to say it was fucking with my ability to be me.

Pete rolled his eyes and left the bathroom. He went to open a drawer and I flung myself in the way. “Andy? Wanna help me out here?” He asked, and Andy just looked apologetically at me before grabbing my arms behind my back and holding me in place.

“No, no no!” He got closer and closer to my stash. By the time he opened the right drawer I was kicking my legs and shouting. “Guys you can’t do this that stuff cost so much money! I had to dance- uh, shit, work for a month to afford that!”

Pete was already holding up the box all my stuff was in, “Wait, what?”

“Nothing, just put it back!”

“No, no, tell me what you said. You had to dance?”

“I was a stripper, okay?” I shouted, “I was a stripper from when I was fifteen until four months ago! They started doing prostitution and I couldn’t cope. I was a scared little girl, and one of the other ladies offered me a line to make me less afraid, so I did it and then everything went downhill! You’re holding a months salary and if you don’t put it down I’m going to scream so loud everyone in this building will come.”

“Yeah? And then what? Ms. Urie takes the drugs and you go to jail, that's what, Sarah.” He took a step forward and pushed a hair out of my eyes, “We’re trying to help.”

I leaned my head back against Andy’s chest, “Fine. Do it, whatever.” He handed pre-rolled joints from the box to Joe and pulled out three small baggies of cocaine. I watched in agony as they walked into the bathroom. I heard a small flush and my heart dropped. _I let an old man grab me for that shit._

“Sarah...” Patrick said as Andy let go. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said what I did. You’re right. You’re my friend, not my kid. I’ve just been so used to being the parent of the group, I assumed you’d be cool with it as soon as you joined us.”

“It’s fine. I need a parent honestly. Look at me.” I laughed, “I got mad and went to my room to throw a coked up temper tantrum. Save for the drugs, I’m basically a toddler.”  
Andy smiled at me and touched my arm lightly.

“Hey, I have a question that is gonna sound really rude and I’m sorry, but, why do you never talk?”

“He’s selectively mute. Only talks when he wants to. I think it’s a form of passive resistance.” Patrick gave him a curious look, “We just don’t know what he’s resisting...”

Andy just kept smiling, but something in his eyes told me Patrick wasn’t quite right.

Pete strolled into the room and plopped down onto Lily’s bed, “I’m gonna say he’s resisting this this school’s bullshit. He used to talk before he came here, right Joe?”

“I don’t know what you said but sure.” Joe called from the bathroom, the sink running in the background. He walked out, zipping his pants up and fixing his belt. “I’m gonna go take a nap, bye guys.” But when he turned around, I noticed three rolled up pieces of paper sticking out of his pocket. _That fucker stole my weed!_ I didn’t say anything, but boy was I going to do something about it next time I saw that asshole. “Coming, Andy?” Andy waved to us and followed him down the hall.

“You guys should go too. I’ve got a massive headache and a room to clean.”

“Are you sure we can leave you alone?” Pete asked, “I mean, you did have like $500 worth of drugs in your room.”

Patrick furrowed his eyebrows, “Hey, didn’t you fly here?”

“Yeah,” I nodded, “From New York. Why?”

“How the hell did you get that stuff on the plane?” He chuckled.

“Tampon boxes, man. No TSA agent wants to look in those.” I said, laughing.

They walked out, leaving me to deal with the mess I’d made, the day I’d just ruined, and the pain in my head.


	11. Coffee’s For Closers

I’d fallen asleep as soon as I hit the pillow. Life was exhausting lately.

 

I opened my eyes, I was back in New York... _back in my old club? Why am I here?_ I felt my heart drop. Was that entire month one long cracked up fantasy? I laughed at the thought. _Is a vaguely normal life what I fantasize? That’s sad_. I pushed my messy hair out of my face and got off the cold, black, tiled floor.

I gasped when I saw myself in the mirror, my eyes were red. Not as in irritated, but as in my iris’s were no longer blue, but bright, fiery red. I stumbled back and headed out the door to the main room.

I found myself taking my usual place on stage right. The music started and I began my routine without even thinking about it, muscle memory taking over. I looked at the people around me, and everything seemed normal, until their faces started warping. Eyes grew, mouths sagged, noses twisted. I lost my footing in shock and fell back onto the fence, hitting my head on the cold metal bar.

 

When I woke up again, I was on the floor of my dorm, shaking and in a cold sweat. I was breathing heavily, the disfigured faces burned into my memory. I checked the clock, 6:00 am. _Might as well get some coffee_. I was all shaken up, maybe a warm drink would calm my nerves.

I headed to the closest vending machine in hopes that it would have packets of insta-coffee in stock.

When I got there, someone was leaning against it, groaning in annoyance.

“Sarah?” They called.

I recognized the voice, “Brendon? What are you doing here?”

“Ryan won't make me coffee and I don’t know how to work our coffee maker, so I came to get some instant. It gave me two so I was like, hell yeah, but they got stuck on each other and- and- and... I’m tired.” He banged his fist into the machine in annoyance.

I laughed, “Let me help.” I walked behind the machine, unplugged it, then kicked the side a few times until the packets fell. I plugged it back in as he pulled the coffee out.

“Thanks.” He smiled, “Wanna come to my dorm? I’ve got mugs and stuff.”

I sighed, “Yeah, why not.” I took one from his hand and we walked down the hall. He hummed a quiet tune until we got to his room.

I walked in to find Ryan asleep on the couch. Brendon pulled off his sweatshirt and whipped it at him.

“Ow, what the fuck?” Ryan threw it back when he regained his senses. 

“That’s for not making me coffee.” Brendon spat, jokingly.

Ryan just rolled his eyes. “Why is _she_ here?”

“Because _she_ knows how to work a vending machine.” I said and walked into the kitchen. I flicked on the sink and grabbed two mugs.

We made the coffee and we each took a seat in the living room.

“Ugh,” Ryan breathed, “What time is it?”

“6:15.” I answered.

“I’m gonna go get ready for school.”

“Dude,” Brendon chuckled, “It doesn’t start for like, an hour.”

“Yeah, well I wanna take a long shower!” Scoffed Ryan.

“Oh god, morning showers. I can’t do it, I fall the fuck asleep.” I laughed, finishing the last of my gross instant coffee.

“I’ll keep you awake in the shower.” Brendon murmured into his mug, before taking a sip.

“Okay!” I set the mug down, “Well, I’m done with my coffee, this was great, and, um, I’m leaving now.” I smiled fakely and waved goodbye, walking to the door.

“It was a joke!” He called as I left.

“ _Hilariously_ creepy. Really, you’ve truly outdone yourself, Brendon. You should become a comedian.” I said before shutting the door and walking down the hall.

I heard his loud footsteps as I turned the corner. He caught up and stood in front of me, “I’m sorry.”

“Are you even trying, Brendon? I thought we were past... this! The whole unsolicited sexual remarks thing! I wanted to be your friend, but you really, really, suck at that.”

“W-we _are_ past that!” He stuttered. “That’s just how I am, Sarah.”

I crossed my arms, “Really? You flirt relentlessly with all of your friends?”

“...Yes?”

“Uh-huh.” I nodded, “So, you’d make the exact same joke if it was, oh I don’t know, Ryan in my place? Or Spencer maybe?”

“Sure.” He seemed to be believing his own lie at this point.

"You're so fucking stupid." I tried to walk away but he reached out and grabbed my hand.

"Sarah, look. I just really like you, and I hate that you hate me. I _don't_ understand how to flirt with you! Half of the girls I talk swoon at the sight of me, the others use me for my connections, which is fine because at least they like me... in a way." He sighed, "I just want a chance to woo you."

I tugged my hand away gently, "When's that ball?"

"Friday."

"There's your chance to "woo" me." I pulled his head up from his locked gaze on the ground to look me in the eye. "And I don't _hate_  you. I just wish you'd be a little more of a friend."

He nodded, "I'll try."

"Thank you." I took a deep breath and left to go back to my room.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry it's really short


	12. Andy, You're A Star

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry if this is strange but i thought it would be interesting to hear from another character's point of view!, hope you enjoy :)

**[Andy POV]**

“Seriously, Joe?” I rolled my eyes and sat next to him, “You stole her drugs?”

“C’mon man, it’s not like she needed them.” He chuckled and lit up. 

I just scoffed and stuffed a towel under the door. “You still need to be careful about this. It’s still against the rules, no matter how often you’ve done it.”

“I am a weed pro, dude.” He smiled and took a deep breath, “You sure you don’t want some?”

I shook my head, “That’s your department, bro. Enjoy your dead brain cells…” I lowered my voice, “Not like you even used them in the first place.”

“Sometimes I wish you were a mute around me too.” He grumbled.

I flipped him off and walked into the bathroom to shower. I’d been in for about five minutes when I heard him come in and sit on the toilet.

“Listen dude, I’m sorry. That was a dick thing to say.” I didn’t respond. _Be careful what you wish for._  “Hey, I’ve been thinking, maybe it’s time you tell them.”

“What! Why? No.”

“I don’t know man. I just feel like it would be good for you. Maybe you’d be able to talk to them. Sarah could hear your voice for the first time!”

I washed the conditioner from my hair, “She has heard my voice before.”

“What? When?” I could just picture him squinting his eyes and making that face he always does when he’s confused.

“Last Saturday? I think? I don’t know, I spat some stupid bullshit and walked away.” I groaned and hit myself in the head, “Stupid, stupid. She totally thinks I’m some weirdo.”

“Stop beating yourself up over it, literally, fucking stop slapping yourself. If she thought you were weird she wouldn’t have been nice to you today. Stop changing the subject! Tell them.”

“N-no.” I could feel a wave of flashbacks creeping up on me, “I’m not ready. We need to stop talking about this before I end up passing the fuck out. Get out of here so I can dry off.”

“I mean, it’s not like I’ve never seen your dick before…” He chuckled.

“Leave.”

He sighed, and I just knew he was rolling his eyes, but I heard the door click. I shut off the water and stepped out. After drying off and wrapping the towel around my waist, I cleaned the fog off the mirror and took a long look at myself. I looked tired, like I always did when I thought about that night.  _What if he’s right? Can I really live with this much longer?_  I slid on my clothes and avoided the mirror.

I walked out and sat on my bed with a huge sigh.  _No point in asking him for advice_ , I looked over at Joe who was mumbling to himself while digging through a bag of chips. _God you fucking asshole, shitty ass stoner. I’m one more joint away from slapping you._

“Haha, Andy look at what my buddy made me.” He pulled a pan of brownies out from under the bed.

“God  _dammit_  Joe!” I slapped the tray from his hand, “When the fuck are you going to grow up? All you do is sit around and smoke weed! Get a fucking life.”

He set his jaw and said through clenched teeth, “Maybe there’s a reason I waste my life. Maybe you’re not the only one trying to escape old demons.”

“And this is how you deal with it? Ruining your fucking mind and body just for a little moment to not feel like such a fuck up?” I regretted the last part, but I didn’t let it show.

“It’s better than going fucking mute. I _could_ talk about my problems if I wanted to, but you’re just stuck in your stupid vow to silence.” He scoffed, “You’re not nearly as tough as you look. You’re just as scared as the rest of us, no matter how cool you play it. You fool them, but not me.”

I took a step forward, fist pulled back ready to hit, but something in my chest cracked.  _This is my best friend._  I lowered my hand and took a step back. Sighing, I asked, “What the hell are we doing?”

“The fuck if I know.” He put out the joint, stood up and picked up the brownies that scattered the floor. He had one last longing look at them before dumping the bag in the trash. “Do you really want me to stop smoking?”

“Do you really want me to tell them?”

“Yeah.” He nodded, “The withdrawals are gonna be shitty…”

I laughed, “Looks like you and our new pal are gonna be in the same boat for a while I guess.”

“I’m only doing this for you, you asshole.” He smiled, and grabbed the half smoked joint, “One last go? For old time’s sake?”

“Finish the fuckin’ thing dude.” I grinned, “Say your goodbyes.” I tossed a lighter at him.

“So, how and when are you gonna tell them?” My chest tightened, a deal is a deal.

“I don’t know, man. I just… I just wanna feel like it never happened, you know? I don’t wanna talk about it, think about it,  _anything_. I just want all of it to be over with.”

“Look, Andy,” He came and sat next to me, “If you’re not ready you d-”

“That’s the thing! I’m  _not_  ready, and I never will be. If you don’t make me do this, it’ll never get done.” I leaned back and he lied down with me. “I need you to push me, Joe. I need this.”

He nodded, “Okay.” He was smiling, a big, goofy grin, “We’re gonna teach you how to speak, dude.”

I scoffed, “I know how to sp-”

“Shh!” He cut me off, slapping his hand down on my mouth, “Don’t. Ruin. It.” 

I peeled his hand off my face, “You made me bite my lip!” I licked blood off my lips and chuckled, sliding my arms behind my head and staring at the ceiling, picturing my life as a normal teenage boy.  _Talking with my friends in class. Standing up for myself. Ordering my own food! Someday… someday soon._

 


End file.
